15+ Emotional Regulation Strategies for Adults with ADHD

ADHD Emotional Regulation

If you have ADHD, you might struggle to keep your emotions in check sometimes.

Maybe you snap at your kids or coworkers when you’re overstimulated or stressed, and feel like you suddenly “lost control”. 

Or maybe you said something awkward in a meeting, and can’t stop obsessing about it for the next several hours (or years!). 

The inability to regulate emotion is a lesser-known symptom of ADHD – and yes, it affects adults too! 

People with ADHD tend to feel emotions more intensely, and the impulsivity and executive dysfunction that come with the disorder can make it hard to take a step back and think before you react. 

The good news is, emotional regulation can be learned and practiced. 

In this article, we’ll cover why adults with ADHD struggle to emotionally regulate, what it looks like when you’re dysregulated, and how to keep your cool during chaos. 

Let’s dig in! 

Prefer to listen instead? This blog post is based on Episode #124 of The Motherhood in ADHD podcast: Emotional Regulation: Executive Function and ADHD

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to feel intense emotions while not letting them overwhelm you. 

It also involves the ability to exert a reasonable amount of control over your behavioral responses to emotions.  

It’s important to note that being able to emotionally regulate doesn’t mean you cannot express emotions or that it’s always inappropriate to do so. 

Crying or raising your voice in anger sometimes is perfectly normal. 

The point of emotional regulation strategies is to learn to recognize intense emotions as they arise, and then react to them in a way that aligns with your personal values. 

For example, when your partner or kid is frustrating you, stepping into another room to scream into a pillow vs screaming directly at them. 

Is ADHD Linked to Emotional Dysregulation?

Yes - clinical studies have shown that a majority of adults and children with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation

But what causes emotional dysregulation in people with ADHD?

This is likely due to the role of the prefrontal cortex - the front part of your brain that controls executive functioning – planning and working memory…and self-control. 

While the amygdala is the part of your brain where intense emotions are generated, it is the job of the prefrontal cortex to pump the brakes and keep you from flying off the handle with your behavior. 

But the prefrontal cortex is less functional in people with ADHD, so it stands to reason that those “brakes” don’t always work as well for us. 

How a Woman’s Menstrual Cycle Affects Emotional Regulation

If you’re a woman or person that menstruates, certain parts of your hormonal cycle will make emotional regulation even more difficult. 

Many women with ADHD report worsening symptoms or medication becoming less effective during the last half of their cycle. 

And let’s not forget PMDD – Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, a condition that causes unbearable depression, anxiety and irritability in the weeks before menstruation. 

Research shows PMDD is more prevalent among women with ADHD than in the general population. 

Later on on this article, we’ll talk about emotional regulation strategies to help you cope with the extreme emotions that come with hormonal fluctuation. 

Your ADHD Emotional Regulation Toolkit: 15+ Ways to Turn Chaos into Calm

Alright, enough of the why—let's get to the how. Here are some strategies to help you learn how to regulate your emotions when you have ADHD. 

1. Cultivate Emotional Awareness (And Plan for Trigger Moments)

The first step in emotional regulation is recognizing you’re in a dysregulated state. 

Spend a couple of weeks (or even days) intentionally paying attention to your emotional state. Keep an “emotions log” and write down moments when you feel triggered. 

Eventually you’ll see a pattern emerge, and you can then start planning ways to support yourself during trigger moments (or avoid triggers altogether). 

For example:

  • You notice you tend to snap when you’re hungry, so you decide to start preparing some snacks each morning or the night before, and have them ready for easy access. Granola bars in your purse are good for grownups, too, not just kids!

  • You realize you always get overstimulated due to noise at your kid’s basketball game, so you start bringing some headphones with you. 

  • You notice rushing to get you and/or your kids ready in the morning tends to get you worked up and ready to explode, so you decide to lay out clothing, backpacks, etc., the night before. 

2. Get Your Move On

Even gentle physical exercise helps boost your mood

It gets your blood flowing and boosts feel-good hormones like serotonin. Stretching and moving your muscles helps reduce aches and pains from being sedentary. 

If you're angry or frustrated, it also helps release pent up energy. 

You don’t have to do anything strenuous – just start by picking a type of movement you enjoy doing and do it for 15 minutes a day (or whenever you need a pick-me-up). 

Some ideas:

  • Taking a walk around the block or in a nearby park

  • Dancing in your living room to your favorite music

  • Yoga or tai chi

  • Riding your bike

  • Hula hooping

  • Roller skating

  • Jumping on a trampoline

ADHD Emotional Regulation type Angry woman

3. Take Mindful Breaks

Meditating might seem impossible when your ADHD brain is buzzing like a beehive. But taking even just a few mindful breaths can work wonders. 

It helps to pick a focal point – like the sounds in the room or your breath. Focus on that one point, and when your attention starts to wander, gently refocus your mind on the focal point. 

You can also do the body scan, where you slowly move your attention to each part of your body, from your toes to the top of your head. 

If you need a bit of guidance, check out my private podcast, Slow Down, Be Present for anxiety and sleep support. 

4. Journal It Out

Journaling helps get your emotions out of your brain and body and onto paper (or your computer). 

The benefits of journaling for ADHD are twofold – journaling helps you express your emotions freely, providing a sense of relief, and it also increases your emotional awareness over time. 

You can journal using an old-school notebook and pen (this requires you to slow down and be mindful!), or if you prefer to be able to write as fast as your thoughts are coming, you can type your thoughts on your computer. 

Look back at your journal periodically to identify emotional and behavioral patterns and see how far you’ve come! 

5. Create a Customized Emotional Response Plan

So we’ve covered journaling to create awareness of your trigger points. 

But what are you going to do when you find yourself triggered?

That’s where an emotional response plan comes in. 

What soothes you when you’re upset? Plan your self-soothing activities in advance and have all your supplies ready. 

For example:

  • Keep soothing supplies on hand: adult coloring books and colored pencils, crochet supplies, stress balls or fidgets, aromatherapy, headphones and go-to relaxing music.

  • Set up a “refuge” area in your home where you can go to self-regulate. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it just needs to be private. Keep your soothing supplies within reach. 

  • Add a friend or two to your “favorites” in your phone, and ask them if it would be okay to call them when you’re feeling distressed. 

  • Talk to your partner about how you can support each other when you need to step away. Come up with a code word or phrase to let each other know when you’re dysregulated, so the other one can step in and take over while you take the time to self-regulate. 

6. Create a Low-Stimulation Environment

Sometimes, areas in your home can make you feel overstimulated! 

Like if there are mounds of laundry on the floor or stacks of unopened mail on your counter (just reminding you of everything you still haven’t accomplished!). 

Find containers for these items, so they don’t have to cause you distress. 

Talk to your family about having the TV too loud (or set designated “quiet times”). 

This is also another reason to set up your private “refuge” (For when it’s impossible to avoid the clutter and noise). 

7. Name Your Emotions

The first step to regulating your emotions is recognizing them when they arise. 

When you feel an emotion, name it. 

Examples:

  • “I’m feeling angry right now”

  • “I can sense jealousy starting to bubble up”

  • “I’m feeling anxiety”

Simply naming emotions helps you take a step back from them, so they don’t overwhelm you. If you struggle to put your feelings into words, print out an emotion wheel, and keep it handy. 

8. Allow and Make Room for Your Emotions

After you name your emotions, consciously allow them to be there without trying to suppress or make them go away. 

Feel into your emotions by scanning your body to pinpoint where the emotion is manifesting. Maybe anger is making you clench your jaw, or anxiety is causing a knot in your stomach. 

Take some time to breathe into the area of your body where you’re holding the emotion. 

Use affirming language (whispered or inside your head) to validate and accept your emotions. 

Examples:

  • “May I allow this anger to be here.”

  • “I consent to having these feelings”

  • “Right now I am feeling jealous, and that’s okay:”

  • “I can make room for my anxiety.”

For more support in the practice of allowing emotions, read through Tara Brach’s RAIN practice and follow her guided meditations. 

9. Get Support Through Peer Networks

While you can certainly validate your emotions on your own, there’s nothing more soothing and affirming than talking to another human being who understands. 

Find an ADHD support group or network where you can get and give support.

Rooted Group Coaching for moms with ADHD is a twice monthly support group you can join from anywhere in the world. 

10. Sync Your Activities With Your Cycle

Track your menstrual cycle and plan your life accordingly. 

For example, most women with ADHD feel less energy during their luteal phase (The second half of your cycle) and while they are on their period. 

And if you have PMDD, you may struggle to function at all during the last half of your cycle. 

Plan activities that require sharp focus and energy for your follicular phase – which starts on Day 1 of your period and ends with ovulation. Usually women start to feel more energy as their period tapers off and estrogen begins to rise and peak. 

However, how you feel during each part of your cycle is highly personalized, so the first step is to track your cycle (you can do it in a journal or with an app), and record how you feel. 

A few things to track:

  • Your mood

  • Physical symptoms like cramps or bloating

  • Sleep quality

  • Sex drive

  • Energy levels

  • Focus

  • Medication efficacy (how well your meds are working during each phase)

ADHD Emotional Regulation type Angry woman

11. Prioritize Sleep (Yes, Really)

Sleep can be elusive when you have ADHD and your brain won't shut up. 

But sleep deprivation affects emotional processing – not getting enough shut-eye can make you more irritable, less focused and more reactive. 

Here are a few tips for getting better sleep:

  • Practice sleep hygiene: avoid screens close to bedtime, only occupy your bed when you’re going to sleep, dim the lights in the evening, create a routine to wind down at night and avoid over-stimulating activities close to bedtime.

  • Don’t drink caffeine after noon (or even better, after 10am)

  • Exercise during the day

  • Get natural sunlight on your eyes during the day

  • Go to bed and wake up at the same times every day

  • Don’t drink too many liquids before bed (to avoid your bladder waking you up)

12. Practice Self-Care

Self-care isn't just about bubble baths (though those are nice, too). It's about doing things that genuinely replenish your emotional reserves. 

Find what works for you, whether it's reading a book, gardening, or finally organizing that junk drawer.

It’s important to be able to communicate to others when you need to perform self-care, and to not feel guilty about it! Remember, self-care isn’t selfish – you’ll show up better for others when you do it. 

13. Practice Self-Compassion

How do you talk to yourself when you’re emotionally dysregulated?

Are you kind or do you say/think things like “Damn it, I need to get it together!” or “I’m out of control! I’m a terrible person!”?

Would you talk to a dear friend the way you’re talking to yourself? If not, you’re being too hard on yourself. 

Self-compassion simply means recognizing your own suffering and offering yourself kindness. 

When you realize you’re suffering, offer words of kindness: “I’m really struggling right now. It’s okay to feel this way.”  

And then take some time out to practice self-care if possible. 

14. Consider Medication

For some people, medication can be a game-changer in managing ADHD symptoms, including emotional regulation. 

Take some time to research different ADHD medications, their benefits and side effects, and consider if they may be worth a try. 

Your doctor can answer your questions about medication and help you decide which one is right for you. 

15. Get Professional Help

Therapists can provide a listening, compassionate ear, personalized strategies and support. 

If you can, find a therapist that specializes in treating people with ADHD – they’ll be more likely to empathize and suggest treatments that have worked with their other patients. 

You can also ask for recommendations from your friends to see if they have a therapist they like.  

16. Work With an ADHD Coach

Speaking of professionals, ADHD coaches can be fantastic allies in your quest for better emotional regulation. 

They can offer practical tips and accountability to help you implement these strategies in your daily life. 

Rooted Group Coaching provides the benefits of working with a coach, with a built-in support group! Others prefer the deeper personal connection built in one-on-one coaching sessions. Both take place virtually, so you can meet online from anywhere in the world.

ADHD Emotional Regulation type Woman cryingupset

Emotional Regulation is Possible With ADHD!

Remember, emotional regulation with ADHD is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. 

Some days you’ll feel completely Zen and in control, other days, you’ll still feel like a hot mess, and that is totally okay.

The key is to be patient with yourself and keep trying. 

Every small step you take toward better emotional regulation is a win. 

And if you need a little extra support or inspiration, don't forget to check out my free video Calm Down Fast - How to Stop Medusa Mom in Her Tracks! for more tips on finding calm in the chaos of ADHD life.

You’ve got this! 

—Patricia