How to Succeed when You're Leading Your Family On Your Own - 5 Single Moms with ADHD Share: Ask The Experts Roundtable #141
Parenting as a single mom is hard.
Parenting as a single mom with adult ADHD is extra hard.
There's homework, housework, and after-school activities to manage on your own.
There's the pressure to put healthy food on the table every night when you're already exhausted.
There are bills to pay on one income.
And then there’s your ADHD symptoms and emotional exhaustion – the guilt, shame and inadequacy that come with being divorced and never feeling like you’re good enough.
If you need to hear this today: You are a fantastic mom.
And you're not alone.
There are a bunch of single moms in our Motherhood in ADHD Community. Reach out and find your village!
Since I’m not a single parent, I reached out for some help from a few friends.
In this special request (from one of YOU!) episode of Motherhood in ADHD, you’ll hear expert advice from 5 single moms who know the struggle and have found tools to help them thrive in parenting and in life.
These single moms shared:
- Self-care tips for single moms
- How to let go of the perfectionism and comparison
- The benefits of living simply as a single mom with ADHD
- Advocating for your children with ADHD
- The importance of setting boundaries as a single mom
- And more!
A special thank you to the incredible single moms who contributed their heartfelt wisdom to this episode:
Pam McCurry, Motherhood in ADHD listener
Yakini Pierce, ADHD Parenting Coach and Podcaster, ADHD Love
Instagram: @adhdlove2020
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDLove2020
Nicki Maher, ADHD Mom Influencer
Instagram: @nickimarieinc
Facebook: Homebase with Nicki
Anna Lopez, Psychiatric Physician's Assistant
Instagram: @adhdinatx
Natalie Nolan, ADHD Coach for Divorced Women
Instagram: @ADHDDivorced
What if you could find a group of ADHD moms to connect with and ask questions, share advice, and most importantly – know you’re not alone? You can! Join the Motherhood in ADHD Facebook Group today!
Which Mama Animal are You?
Take the Quiz: What's your ADHD Mama Parenting Style?
Because you're #NotYourAverageMamaBear
Patricia Sung 00:00
We get by with a little help from our friends. So when I don't know anything about a topic, I reach out for help. And this is a product of just that asking for help. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by help all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families. Well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD
Patricia Sung 01:17
Hey there successful mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung, I want to do something special for you on Mother's Day. And in the US this year, it's on May 8. Now I'm not exactly sure where that's going to be as I record this. So next week, go check your inbox and find out whatever my brilliant ADHD brain has brewed up for daily planning and time management mastery for ADHD moms. If you aren't on my list already, head over to patriciasung.com/quiz and take the quiz. Or you could snag any free resource at patriciasung.com/resources. Look for something good in your inbox next week.
Patricia Sung 01:53
Before we dig into our episode, today, we're going to read our review of the week from one foot up titled simple brilliance thanks, Patricia for helping us feel not so alone in providing us with simple strategies for productivity and amazing guests. Why thank you, my dear. You know, I love reading your encouragement. And not just because I want to feel good, okay. Knowing that what I'm doing makes a difference spurs me forward. On the days where this is really hard. I always do my best to be honest with you. And being consistent with a podcast every week is really hard. It is hard. It is not an ADHD friendly task, I'm going to be honest. But I knew that going in. And that's why I take breaks. And that's why I have started to grow a team that can I can lean on when times are tough. So know that while sometimes I look really polished. A lot of times I'm not, in your words of encouragement really do mean a lot.
Patricia Sung 02:50
Now if you are in another country besides the US, I actually can't see your reviews, I can only see in Apple podcasts and YouTube, the reviews of whoever is in that country. So if you are in another country, which I know many of you are, would you please take a screenshot of your review or their views there in your country and either email me them. It's hello@patricia sung.com. Or send me a DM on Instagram because I would love to see those two. And I don't know why they do this, but they don't show you those. So shoot me this over so I can read yours, too.
Patricia Sung 03:22
Now, how did we end up here today, one of you reached out to me, Pam. And we were emailing back and forth about advice for single moms. And she wanted to offer what has worked for her as a widow. And as a single mom, she's like, there's not a lot of support and not as much advice out there for those of us who are doing this by ourselves. And she wanted to offer her advice. And I'm like, this is a brilliant idea because I am not qualified to talk on this topic. But I do want to honor all of the different kinds of moms that are in our community. And let's be real here.
Patricia Sung 03:57
When you have ADHD, you are far more likely to go through a divorce. So we're more likely to be single moms than your average Mama Bear. So no matter how you ended up being a single mom, I want to support you. And I want to honor all the different kinds of moms that are in our community. So I reached out to a few friends to ask for their advice. What would they share as single ADHD mamas that would be helpful and supportive to another mom who is walking a similar path.
Patricia Sung 04:28
So you're going to meet sweet Pam here in just a moment. And you're also going to meet a few other friends. You'll meet Yakini who you actually met before she's been on the podcast before who advocates for parents of ADHD ears through her YouTube and podcast ADHD love. You'll also meet Anna Lopez who has become a friend of mine through the Enclave, which is an amazing group of ADHD women run by Liz Lewis and Elizabeth brink, and I'll link that in the show notes for you.
Patricia Sung 04:57
Now Anna is a Psychiatric Physician's Assistant. So she has a brilliant knowledge about how our brains work. And she also post really funny stuff in her story. So you should go follow her stories. You'll also meet Nicki, who I think it'd be safe for me to say that she became an accidental influencer on ADHD. We recently did an Instagram live together a Q&A on ADHD moms. So you can go over to her profile and watch that live. And you'll also meet Natalie, Natalie is an ADHD coach for women who have gone through divorce and are finding themselves and adjusting to this new chapter in their lives. So I have five amazing mamas who are doing this on their own and have some amazing advice for you. And I cannot wait for you to meet these women. So let's dive in and meet Pam.
Pam McCurry 05:52
Hi, my name is Pam McCurry, and I've been a widow for the past five years, the biggest pieces of advice I could give any woman raising children on their own would be number one, stop striving for perfection. Your kids don't care if your house is spotless, and they don't care if they have a perfectly well balanced home cooked meal on the table every night. What they do care about is your love and your attention. Number two, ask for help when you need help. Don't be too proud. It truly does take a village and number three, don't compare yourself or your family to other women and other families. This one only leads to dissatisfaction focus on your own family. And you'll be much happier as a result.
Patricia Sung 06:37
Now let's meet Yakini.
Yakini 06:39
So I would say my biggest advice for single parents from a single mom is number one, to be patient with yourself. This journey is not easy when you're traveling most of it alone, it's going to be many hard days. But if you keep at it, there's going to be so much reward, you will see amazing things happen not just with your children, but with yourself to stay patient is just it's an amazing thing that I've seen, I've seen my children grow. And then I've also seen myself grow. And the other thing I want to say is don't stop advocating for them. Don't give up on pushing the boundaries that some of the school systems are going to be uncomfortable with. There are things that you can put in place and help your children with that they may not have done before, but it doesn't mean it is not right. And it does not help them. So don't give up advocating and pushing the boundaries with the school systems. Thank you.
Patricia Sung 07:51
Mama, are you looking for some extra support? Could you use a few more like minded mamas in your circle? Here is your official invitation to join our Facebook group, the motherhood in ADHD community. Here you can ask questions, share advice, but most importantly, know that you're not alone. Click on the link in the show notes or search on Facebook for motherhood in ADHD community. So come join our little corner of the internet with other mamas who know how your brain works and won't look at you crazy when you share what's floating around inside there. Instead, they'll say I get it. I've been there. And I know how that is. So come on. What are you waiting for? See in there. Again, that's the motherhood in ADHD community on Facebook. Next up is Anna.
Anna 08:38
Simplify, simplify, simplify, do things as simply as he can live as simply as he can. And when I say simplify, I know in the ADHD brain, we think these things are just going to happen overnight. But this can take days, weeks months for you to really find what and how you are going to simplify. For me, that's just how I feed my kids. You know, we do a lot of the same meals every week. So don't be afraid to have the same meal plan for every week or every other week. If they don't care and you don't care then cool.
Anna 09:10
You know, I'm trying to decrease our clutter and toys in the house. And that's been an ongoing project for like months but also kind of years. And you know, it does get better over time in the work that you put in, even if it's just a little bit of time really does bring you more peace. And for me it really helps me to try to decrease the outside clutter so the inside clutter of my mind can be a little bit quieter. You know, take breaks rest, if there's dishes in the sink and toys or crumbs or rice on the floor at the end of the day. But you know you really need to rest listen to your body. Listen to your body. Always listen, if that says for you to stop and pee and stop and pee. Just really take care of yourself and simplify your life to get through.
Nicki 09:56
Hi Patricia Nicki here my single mom in ADHD advice is to do the shit that you thought you were going to do before you were a single mom, you had a dream and a vision of what it would be like to be a mom, whether it was ski trip or a trip to Disney, or doing arts and crafts or being a present mom or being an organized mom, you can still be that person. An example I have is I took both of my little kids skiing this past week five and seven years old, and I was scared shitless because I thought of all the what ifs but if we lead with the what ifs, we don't get to experience the greatness in just being in the moment. Even when it's messy, you end up leaving, they're going Holy crap, the memories we made today, we're imperfect but so beautiful. So do the stuff. Just do the stuff. Don't second guess that you can do it.
Natalie 10:46
This is Natalie Nolan, or coach Natalie or ah divorce on Instagram, just wanted to give the single moms out there a quick piece of advice. And that's just really to take really good care of yourself and to, you know, all that love that you're pouring into everybody else around you. What would it look like to do that for yourself? When was the last time that you looked at yourself with love when was the last time you spoke to yourself with love? When was the last time you touch yourself in lovingly ways you can't pour from an empty cup. And you need to take great care of yourself, including having amazing boundaries, and learning how to say no and being comfortable with people's reactions to your know and understand that you are important. And that your needs matter and that you are totally worthy of being loved. And being taken care of. And that starts with you.
Patricia Sung 11:42
And with that mamas I encourage you to find these women on Instagram and reach out to them. Build your community of mamas who are like you because we are not alone in the struggles and everything is easier when you have a friend by your side. I'll talk to you next week, Successful mama.
Patricia Sung 12:04
Hey there, Mama. I've got something fun for you. Who doesn't love a quiz? I want to know which mama animal are you because you're not your average Mama Bear. You have a magical ADHD brain that puts a sprinkle of brilliance on everything you do. Sure you may have forgotten that laundry in the washer for the third time. But what are your strengths? What makes your ADHD parenting style unique to you? How do you use that sparkle to bless your family? So which mama animal are you? Find out by taking the quiz? What's your ADHD mama parenting style because you're not your average Mama Bear? Head on over to patriciasung.com/quiz and find out and then when you do I want you to post your results on social media so we can see that your hashtag, not your average Mama Bear along with the hashtag. I'm a mama and then fill in the animal that you get. Again, that's patriciasung.com/quiz. And I can't wait to see what you get. So tag me and motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 13:09
For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com