ADHD & Hypersensitivity: Coping When Everything Gets to You
Have you ever been told you’re “too sensitive”?
Maybe it was a rude comment that you obsessed over for days.
Or the bright overhead lights at work that make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
Or the desire to crawl into a dark, quiet hole after being around your young kids all day.
You might be hypersensitive, and if you have ADHD, that may be the reason!
While hypersensitivity with ADHD presents some challenges, it’s also a gift.
So, if you feel everything deeply and more intensely, keep reading.
We’ll cover everything you need to know about ADHD and hypersensitivity, including how to deal with its challenges, and embrace its advantages.
ADHD & Hypersensitivity: What’s the Connection?
Several studies suggest a link between ADHD and being highly sensitive to sensory and emotional stimuli.
And if you’ve been active in any online ADHD community, you know it’s a common discussion topic.
While hypersensitivity isn’t currently considered a key feature of ADHD, many clinicians and researchers think it should be – especially for women.
For example, in one study of 116 participants, 43% of females with ADHD reported sensory hypo- and/or hypersensitivity, compared to only 22% of the men.
What does ADHD hypersensitivity look like?
Hypersensitivity with ADHD manifests in different ways, but many ADHDers report similar issues. Let’s take a closer look at what ADHD hypersensitivity might look like for you.
Sensory Sensitivity
Are you more sensitive to pain?
How about that tiny, prickly little tag on the inside of your shirt that’s been rubbing against your skin all day, making you want to explode with rage?
Ever walked in a crowded room where everyone is talking, shouting or laughing, and you think “I gotta get outta here or I’m gonna lose it!”?
People with ADHD show higher sensitivity to sensory stimuli like loud noises, bright lights, itchy fabrics, or even bad smells.
Any combination of these stimuli can cause overstimulation – meaning sensory input becomes overwhelming – causing us to melt down, blank out, or lash out in irritation.
Here are a few examples of sensory sensitivity:
Parenting young kids all day and being “touched out” at night
Feeling drained after being in a crowded place for a long period of time
Disliking “overhead lights”, instead preferring dimmer lamps and softer lighting
Not being able to focus because one of your socks slipped down into your shoe
Feeling repulsed or nauseated when someone nearby is eating a food you hate
Getting annoyed by the sound of people chewing gum or food too close to you
Mentally locking up or getting irritated when too many people are trying to talk to you at once
Overstimulation from sensory issues could result in anxiety, frustration, “checking out” mentally or losing your temper.
Emotional Sensitivity
How do you deal with rejection?
Do you let it roll off your shoulders, or obsess over it for days… even months?
People with ADHD report feeling more emotionally sensitive than their peers. Some examples of emotional sensitivity include:
Strong reactions to criticism – you obsess over it for days
Trouble regulating your emotions – blowing up or breaking down when something goes wrong
Crying easily – when your feelings are hurt, or when you see something emotionally moving
Over-analyzing people’s body language, demeanor or comments
Being affected by other people’s moods and emotions (they rub off on you easily)
Feeling strong empathy towards others
People with ADHD often report rejection sensitivity – an extreme reaction to perceived criticism or judgment. If you have rejection sensitivity, you might be very self-conscious, socially anxious and overreact to rejection by becoming angry, anxious or depressed.
How to Cope With High Sensitivity in ADHD
You’ve learned what ADHD hypersensitivity looks like, so how do you cope with it? Let’s talk about a few strategies for when everything feels like too much.
1. Set Boundaries
When you’re easily overwhelmed, setting boundaries is one of the most important actions you can take to protect your mental health.
Setting boundaries just means setting limits on what you’re willing to do or tolerate from others, and even yourself.
Setting boundaries might look like:
Letting your partner and kids know you need 15 minutes alone to decompress after work
Saying no to overstimulating events when you know you’re already overstimulated
Not overcommitting to volunteer work or favors for friends
Respectfully telling your friend you cannot bring your whole self to a phone conversation (or even a hang out) and asking to reschedule
Declining to watch violent or triggering movies/shows, or the news
Closing your office door when you need to focus
Setting screen limits on your phone so you don’t overstimulate yourself
Boundary setting can be difficult when you have rejection sensitivity and are a people pleaser!
Think of it this way: setting boundaries allows you to bring your most healthy, present self to all your relationships.
Would people rather be around you when you’re overstimulated and irritable or withdrawn, or when you’re refreshed and energized?
Related Reading: ADHD Energy Management: 12+ Energy Boosting Tips for Adults
2. Plan Ahead for Stressful or Overstimulating Events
While you can’t avoid every stressful or overstimulating event, planning ahead helps reduce negative effects.
Let’s say your close friend is having a birthday party, and you know there will be a lot of people and you’ll have to socialize for several hours.
You know you need your social battery to be fully charged, so you take a few hours of alone time before the party.
Before you head to the party, you decide when you’re going to leave, and what you’re going to say (or if you’re just going to slip away unnoticed).
You make sure the day after the party isn’t chocked full of commitments, because you know you’ll need to rest.
Some other examples of planning ahead:
Bringing loop earplugs to your kid’s basketball game (so the buzzer doesn’t make you jump out of your skin!)
Wearing comfortable clothing and shoes to an event to reduce uncomfortable sensory feelings
Stashing snacks in your purse so your blood sugar doesn’t crash and make you irritable
Look up a new location on their website to familiarize yourself with their setup so it’s not 100% new upon arrival
Staying on top of your calendar/schedule to make sure you’re not stacking events too close together
Check your calendar weekly, and ask yourself what you can do to support yourself before, during, and after each event.
3. Learn What Helps You Recharge
What helps you charge your batteries when they’re drained?
Learning this can help you create a self-care plan for after an overstimulating or emotionally upsetting event.
Some examples of recharging activities:
Alone time
Reading fiction
“Rotting” on the couch watching TikTok or Netflix (in moderation)
Going for a walk
Engaging in hobbies
Dinner with a close friend
Gentle exercise
Napping
Snuggling, petting, or brushing your furry friend
If you’re confused about what helps replenish your energy, think about the last time you felt relaxed, effortless and stress-free?
Come up with a “recharge menu” and save it on your phone (maybe with a reminder set, ha!) so you don’t have to take the time or energy to decide what you want to do to relax.
4. Keep Life as Simple as Possible
Keeping life simple isn’t as easy as it sounds – especially when you’re a parent or you have a robust family/social life.
This is your permission slip to say no to what you don’t love.
If your schedule feels overwhelming, ask yourself what commitments can be eliminated.
If you have 3 kids and each one is in 3 different extracurricular activities, it might be time to cut back on a few activities.
If you volunteer for 5 different organizations and you’re a member of the PTA and you play on a recreational soccer team…ask yourself which commitments you enjoy the most and eliminate the rest.
While it can be difficult or sad, cutting something good will create space for something great.
Related Reading or Listening: Podcast Episode #265: How Do You Keep Up with Everything as a Mom with ADHD?
5. Be Open With Others About Your Sensitivity
Communicating with others about your sensitivity can help them understand your needs.
When your friends and family know what affects you, they can support you better and create a more accommodating environment.
This can be as simple as letting friends know you might need a quieter environment or that certain activities don’t suit you.
Plus, when you’re open about your sensitivity, people are less likely to take it personally when you want to leave early or skip out on girls night after a long week at work.
You don’t have to go into great detail of your health history or personal traumas. A simple “I prefer a quieter place so I can hear you better” is helpful and clear.
6. Get Therapy or ADHD Coaching
Working with a therapist or coach can help you navigate all of the action steps listed above.
They can help you build a personalized self-care plan, prioritize what’s important to you (so you can eliminate the rest), and help you cope with relationship issues that may come up due to boundary setting.
Therapists and coaches are also a safe place to vent when you feel overstimulated or emotionally upset.
Helpful Resource: Rooted: Group ADHD Coaching for Moms
7. Consider ADHD Medication
ADHD medication may help you manage your ADHD symptoms and regulate your emotions better.
Dealing with ADHD symptoms like forgetfulness, distractibility and inability to focus is overstimulating by itself. Couple that with sensory and emotional sensitivity and it’s like you’re a pot getting ready to boil over.
Finding a medication that’s a good fit for you can help give you a baseline of calm and focus, so you’re less likely to be affected negatively by your sensitivity.
Be sure to speak with your doctor about which medication might be right for your particular situation, and educate yourself on possible side effects.
8. Cultivate Self-Trust
When you incorporate all the action steps listed above, you cultivate an important life skill: self-trust.
When you set boundaries, plan ahead, and give yourself what you need to cope with your high sensitivity, you learn to trust your instincts.
Continue to listen to bodily cues and advocate for yourself when you feel uncomfortable.
When you consistently follow your instincts, you’ll naturally gravitate to people, places, and situations that are a good fit for your sensitivity level.
Embracing the Upsides of High Sensitivity
Hypersensitivity isn’t entirely a bad thing.
The high sensitivity that comes with ADHD allows us to experience life in vivid detail. We’re more attuned to the subtleties that others might miss. This translates into unique strengths:
Creativity: Because we notice more detail and nuance, we can bring fresh, imaginative perspectives to our work, art, or problem-solving.
Empathy and Compassion: High sensitivity allows us to connect deeply with others. We pick up on emotions, nonverbal cues, and subtle shifts in others’ moods, offering support and empathy. This quality makes us excellent friends, partners, and caregivers. We also have a strong sense of social justice, always trying to make the world a better place!
Intuition and Awareness: Sensitivity enhances intuition, allowing us to quickly “read” a room or pick up on details that others might overlook. This heightened awareness can be an asset in fields that require people skills, insight, and quick decision-making.
When you see the upsides of hypersensitivity, it becomes a gift that allows you to contribute to the world in meaningful ways.
Hypersensitivity and ADHD: Frequently Asked Questions
To wrap things up, here are some answers to common questions about ADHD and high sensitivity.
What is a Highly Sensitive Person, and Does It Relate to ADHD?
Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) are people who report high levels of sensory and emotional sensitivity, but may or may not report other classic ADHD symptoms.
Being a highly sensitive person isn’t considered a disorder on its own, but since hypersensitivity is highly correlated with ADHD and autism, it’s possible that some HSPs have one of these disorders but are undiagnosed.
Does Being Highly Sensitive Mean I’m Autistic?
While ADHD and autism share some characteristics, like sensory sensitivity, they are distinct conditions. Being highly sensitive doesn’t necessarily mean you’re autistic, although some people may experience both ADHD and autism traits.
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a specific emotional response where perceived rejection or criticism causes intense pain. It’s common among people with ADHD and can make them more vulnerable to feeling hurt by others’ words or actions.
Being Hypersensitive is Not a Flaw
Hypersensitivity in ADHD isn’t a flaw – it’s simply a different way of processing the world.
And while it can present some tough challenges, it’s also one of your greatest strengths.
When you cultivate self-trust by setting boundaries and caring for your own needs, you start to feel more in control and empowered by your sensitivity.
You can embrace your sensitivity as a trait that helps you love more deeply and experience life in full color.
And if you’re looking for an ADHD community to connect with, share strategies and offer support, consider joining Rooted Group Coaching - specifically for moms with ADHD. In this group setting, we work on setting healthy boundaries and building self-trust to make decisions easier and life more manageable.
Check out more details here, and I hope you’ll join us soon!