Constantly Feel Like You’re Behind? 4 Lesser Known Reasons Why & How to Get on Top of Your Day: Top 3 Episodes Encore #267
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What “should” you have done already?
Finish your degree?
Pass your driver’s license test?
Make that doctor’s appt?
Left the house for school pickup?
If you’re constantly thinking “I’m behind!”, this episode is for you.
Often it’s literal, as in, “I’m 20 minutes late to my appointment!”
But it’s also in the big things, like you “should” have more kids by now or gotten that promotion.
You’re not alone! Feeling behind has come up in several discussions recently both in Group Coaching, and in writing my book. What are the patterns showing up in this pervasive problem among women with ADHD?
Here’s how to move forward both logistically and mentally.
***Note: This episode originally aired in April of 2024. As I write my book on Motherhood in ADHD while my boys are at home all summer (send prayers and patience), I'm sharing past episodes that topped the charts last year. I know these episodes will support you with some integral skills for ADHD and lots of virtual hugs.
Free adhd resource:
Download my free Packing Lists and Travel Planning List here.
Download the 10 Ways to Stay Calm Video and Checklist for free.
It’s time to take care of you, mama: A whole weekend for you to relax and get away from all your weighty responsibilities, to understand your ADHD mind in community with moms who get it.
Picture it: You, me, and 13 other ADHD mamas hanging out all weekend with plenty of acres and your very own adorable tiny home for you to enjoy the peace and quiet, too. Time to relax!
Get your ticket now for the 4th annual ADHD Moms Weekend Retreat on October 10-12, 2025, and I’ll take care of everything once you arrive! https://www.patriciasung.com/retreat
Patricia Sung [00:00:00]:
Hey there, successful mama. It's your friend, Patricia Sung. Today, you're listening to one of the top three episodes from 2024. So let's dive in. Oh, but before we do, reminder that the tickets for the ADHD mom retreat are on sale right now, and we only have a few spots left. So go get your ticket now at patriciasung.com/retreat. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get you, mama.
Patricia Sung [00:00:39]:
Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life, creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. But spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, mama. You can rewrite your story, from shame spiral to success story.
Patricia Sung [00:01:20]:
And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD. Hey there, successful mama. It's your friend, Patricia Sung. Today, we're talking about a topic that has come up multiple times in Lighthouse group coaching over the last week, and I was like, man, we we had talked about this. This is the thing. Do you feel like you're running behind or you just feel behind in general? Like, it's this weird, I'm just behind feeling. Sometimes we're really running behind because like and one of the moms mentioned, in coaching this morning was, like, we're running behind because everybody in my family has ADHD.
Patricia Sung [00:01:59]:
Like, the routine never gets stuck to. Like, we're always behind schedule. We never get to everything. And she's like, what do I do? Because one of the things we talk about a lot is, like, the obstacles in your day when you're trying to get your routines in place. Like, we work through what those obstacles are. Like, where are you getting stuck? And sometimes the obstacle is the fact that you have children. Like, if you have a kid who is, like, always, like, can't find his shoe, doesn't know where his backpack is, or you have a kid who's like, well, I don't wanna go to piano lessons. So, like, they're dragging their feet to get out the door.
Patricia Sung [00:02:30]:
And so you just feel like, like, we're always behind. In these cases where we generally are running behind and we need to be somewhere, we need to look at a few things. One is, are we making this routine or this plan accounting for, like, what actually happens? Like, are we looking at your real life when we make this plan? Or are we looking at, like, ideally, what we would like this plan to look like? Or, like, according to this Pinterest chart chart, this is what our afternoon would look like. Like, when we start making a plan, we have to start with our actual life. The actual humans that you know, with which we are trying to accomplish life with, what's going on? Most of the time, we make a plan for ideal world, not for what's actually going on. Because nobody wants to make a plan that's like my routine is we're gonna take forty five minutes to find everything and get out the door. Nobody wants to do that. Like, it makes me, like, pain just thinking about it.
Patricia Sung [00:03:23]:
Right? But here's the thing. If we start our plan, making it for people that don't exist in our family, like, our family is never gonna be successful with this routine because it's not for them. So we wanna start with our plan on, like, what actually happens in our lives? Who are the people who are actually walking out the door with us? Like, did we make the plan for them? So maybe your plan doesn't need to be a forty five minute run through of how to get out the door because we're trying to get three kids under three out the door, or we're trying to get this kid who never knows where stuff it out the door. In those cases, we we start with, like, real life. Here's where we are. And then once we look at, like, what's actually happening, then we start looking at the obstacles we wanna overcome and, like, how are we gonna get through those. And when we start tackling the obstacles one by one, it's a lot easier than trying to be like, oh my gosh. How are we ever gonna get out the door on time for taekwondo class because we're always fifteen minutes late? When we look at the obstacles one by one, then it's not so overwhelming.
Patricia Sung [00:04:17]:
Then we start looking at the pieces of it. It's like, well, if the issue is one of the kids never knows what their new stuff is, that's like a whole bucket of problems in itself of how do we help our kid learn the skills that they need in order to keep track of their things. And granted, that will then ripple out into all the other places in the week where they can't find their things. But we have to look at these pieces one by one. We can't look at the big picture. It's way too overwhelming. Then we can look like, oh, okay. Well, one of the issues is, like, traffic's unpredictable.
Patricia Sung [00:04:44]:
Sometimes it take us ten minutes together. Sometimes it takes us twenty minutes together. Maybe the answer is, like, well, it takes us ten minutes when we leave early enough. And when we don't leave early enough, that's when we get caught in traffic and then it lives. Like, then it's twenty minutes to get there. So we when we look at those little pieces individually, that's when we can start working through the actual obstacles that we're struggling with to keep everyone on time or on the rhythm or on the routine. The next part about looking at, like, when we're running behind is I have noticed a theme that when we say it's time to go, some people when they ask, like, are you ready to go? They mean, like, literally, are you ready to walk out the door? Some people when you say, hey, are you ready to go? That's their cue to be like, oh, now I have to get ready to leave. So there is a difference in the people who think it's time to leave is actually like I am exiting the door versus it's time to leave.
Patricia Sung [00:05:38]:
Now I need to get ready to leave because it's time to leave. These are two different mindsets. FYI, my husband has one of those and I have the other one, which has been quite the, progression in trying to figure out how to make this work. Because when he says, are you ready to leave? That's me going, I'm ready to stop what I'm doing, and now go find my purse and go to the bathroom and tell my kids to put their shoes on. And so, like, now when I'm saying I'm ready to leave, means I'm actually ready to stop the thing that I was doing and get ready. So I still need ten, fifteen minutes to get out the door when you ask me am I ready to leave. Whereas my husband, if you say I'm ready to leave, he's like, and my foot is outside. So which version of are you ready to leave are you working with here? And then we need to, like, all be on the same page of, like, when we say ready to leave, are we talking about we're actually going to get in the car and buckle up? Or now everyone needs to get their stuff and find the book they wanna read in the car and blah blah blah.
Patricia Sung [00:06:36]:
It's time to be who you are unapologetically. No more contorting or shrinking yourself to fit inside the box. Instead, you're gonna feel the freedom of just being yourself because you are more accepting of who you truly are. You're invited, mama, to this year's fourth annual successful as a mother weekend retreat. It is time to relax, unwind, rest, and take care of a very important person in the family, which is you. This year's retreat is on October 2025, and you are invited. This is an all inclusive retreat. It covers your meals, your hotel, all of your activities.
Patricia Sung [00:07:12]:
You literally only have to show up, and I will take it from there. We are staying at the peaceful happy goat retreat just outside of Houston, Texas. I have rented the entire property, so we have it all to ourselves where we will enjoy nature and breathe deep in the fresh air and the calm of the lake and the sway of the trees. But this is not camping, this is glamping. You will stay in your very own adorable modern tiny home with your own comfy queen-size bed, your own private bathroom, and living space that's just for you. Go check out the pictures I posted on my website because it is so cute. We will spend the weekend learning about our ADHD and tune into who you are and what you need so that you can trust your gut and love your yourself a little bit more. All while eating delicious food you didn't cook, you didn't clean up, and hanging out with awesome other ADHD mamas who are just like you in this journey of understanding ADHD and also trying to do all the things, but not this weekend.
Patricia Sung [00:08:11]:
This weekend, you are doing none of the things. You are relaxing. I will take care of everything and you get to focus on you. Head over to my website patriciasung.com/retreat and get your ticket. This is a small group of 14 mamas, and we already have a bunch of mamas going, so I don't have a ton of spots left. This means do not wait. Do not procrastinate. When you hear this, this is your sign.
Patricia Sung [00:08:35]:
Go sign up. Get your ticket, and by signing up now, you number one, have access to the shrinking payment plan before it's gone. There's no extra charges for that. And number two, you get to pick the type of tiny home that you want to stay in before they are all gone. So go sign up. Get your ticket and take a weekend to relax and take care of yourself while I do all the work. Head over to patriciasung.com/retreat, and get your ticket for the fourth annual ADHD moms amazing getaway weekend and relax. Patriciasung.com/retreat.
Patricia Sung [00:09:11]:
Okay. So that's part of the problem is the actual I am running behind. What do we do about this? On the other side of are you feeling behind is the question of are you actually behind. Sometimes we're just accustomed to always being running behind that when we are getting ready to leave, and we don't actually have to be anywhere in particular certain time, that we have now just assumed the posture of I'm behind anytime I leave, and we're stressed regardless of where we're going and what's happening. Example, you wanna go take the kids to the library. You don't have to be at the library at a certain point. You would just like to go to the library this afternoon. When we start to feel like we're behind on getting out the door to the library, we get stressed.
Patricia Sung [00:09:53]:
And when we get stressed, we start getting more snippy with people. Our problem solving brain turns off. Our logic goes out the window, and we're just trying to get everybody out the door and we're where's your shoes? What do you mean you don't have your shoes anymore? They were just on your feet. How'd you lose one of them? And, like, we get into stress mode. And sometimes we've just adopted this posture because this is how we always leave the house, and we aren't actually behind. If we got to the library at 03:15 or 03:30, it wouldn't matter at all, but we feel like we're behind. So in these times where we feel behind, but there's no actual deadline, what I want you to ask yourself is, like, what's the goal here? Who decided the goal? Who decided you're behind? And if it turns out that you're feeling behind because you just can't seem to get all these kids out the door, then what can you do in that moment to center yourself and calm yourself and be like, oh, hey, it's totally fine if it takes us an extra fifteen minutes to get to the library. Do I wish we were there sooner? Yes, I do.
Patricia Sung [00:10:49]:
But it's okay. Take a deep breath and say, alright, it's gonna take us a few more minutes to get out the door. What do you need? What are you missing? Alright. Let's go find the shoe. Where was the last time you saw the shoe? And be able to approach the exit in a very different mindset with a very different attitude so that we can leave the house in an unhurried fashion and be present in the moment instead of hustling everybody out the door because that goal was made up. And then you get to decide what's the goal you actually want. What matters to you in this situation? Do you want to choose, like, hey, I don't have to be stressed about this. I am feeling stressed about it, but I don't have to be.
Patricia Sung [00:11:28]:
So what can I do to take care of myself in this moment to be able to settle in and be like, I am present, I am here, I am ready to take a deep breath so that I can show up in a different way for my family? This idea of being behind, I think is really hard for us when we have ADHD because we often feel like we're running behind. We missed something. There's oftentimes in my business where I feel like I'm behind because there's so many ideas. I got so many ideas, mama. I got so many ideas, and I wanna do them all, and I can't do them all. There's only one of me, and I only got school hours to do it in. But the fact that I can see 47 ideas sitting here on touch makes me feel like I'm behind, but actually, if none of those ever happened, nobody's ever gonna know. I know, and that's why I am stressed about it.
Patricia Sung [00:12:08]:
That's why I feel behind. But in those moments where I can stop and go, okay, am I actually behind? What's the goal here? What's important to me here? Am I actually behind? And being able to reframe that situation so that I don't feel like I haven't gotten anything done today allows us to get out of that pattern that we've adopted that we're always behind. There's always so much to do. I'm always missing things. I didn't get this done. And when we can slow down and be like, hey, it's okay that I didn't get those things done today. I recognize that I did a b and c. I didn't have time for e and f.
Patricia Sung [00:12:39]:
It's okay. I can do those later because the goal here today is to be present with my kids. My goal here today is to fill in the blank whatever thing you're working on today. So that we can start to change their mindset around am I am I actually behind or can I let those goals that came from somebody else from some unrealistic expectation, like, can I let those go? Because you get to decide what's most important for you, and you get to decide what the goal is, and you get to decide what matters in this moment. Then it's okay to take a deep breath and remind ourselves that the goal today is to be present, and whatever it is that is on your heart today to get done, to accomplish. If it's not checking off a whole bunch of to do lists, maybe it's an hour of present time with one of your kids who really needs some extra love today. What matters to you? Let's make that the goal. Because you get to decide.
Patricia Sung [00:13:32]:
I'll talk to you soon, successful mama. For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinADHD.com.