Build Your Confidence by Failing Faster #277
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Do you ever second guess every decision until you freeze? Same here for the first few years I ran my business.
In this episode, I answer Jacki Hayes’ question from her podcast, Here’s What I’ve Learned: How have you evolved as a business owner over the years?
The funny thing is, my response wasn’t really a “business” answer. My hard won wisdom fits most situations when ADHD folks are trying something new. Or just trying to live.
Chasing a goal, no matter the size or complexity, requires a lot of the same foundational skills.
I bet you’ll find at least one nugget helpful, no matter if you’re starting a new business, going back to school, or organizing your hall closet. Today I’m sharing how I build my confidence when imposter syndrome is high; how I collect real data to make better and faster decisions, and how I use simplicity to make it doable, especially by matching my energy levels. When I protect capacity and use my energy management skills, I show up better for both my family and my work.
If you want practical support for your brain, grab my free guide on How to Manage ADHD Beyond Medication at patriciasung.com/beyond-meds. And if you want to hear how other owners answered Jacki’s question, check out her podcast, Here’s What I’ve Learned.
You do not need “The Perfect Plan” to begin. Take one small step, see what happens, then adjust.
Links mentioned in this episode:
Yes, I’m still writing the first book for Moms with ADHD, publishing February 2027. Keep up to date on all things book writing and/or join the beta reader team here: patriciasung.com/book.
Patricia Sung [00:00:02]:
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home or your family. I get you, Mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fitness for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life. Creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully and in turn lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms.
Patricia Sung [00:00:47]:
But spoiler alert, you are already a great moment. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, Mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung [00:01:08]:
Hey there successful mama. It's your friend Patricia Sung. Today's episode is different. Came up kind of like a surprise. My friend Jackie Hayes, who I've been on her podcast before called here's what I've Learned, she asked me to answer a couple of questions and after I recorded my answers I was like, these aren't actually business answers. These are more about who I am as a person and I wanted to share them with you. So. And I'll put the information for Jackie's podcast here in the show notes.
Patricia Sung [00:01:35]:
So if you want to go listen to the full episode where not just me, but lots of business owners are sharing their advice on questions, you can go ahead and take a look and listen to Jackie's podcast. So here's my answer to how I have evolved as a business owner. I think I've learned three things. Number one is I have evolved by greatly increasing my confidence. And this isn't actually like a business specific lesson, but when I first started I really questioned pretty much everything I was doing, like, well, should I be doing this? And I was constantly seeking outside opinions and there is a time and place for that when you're starting out a business is to get wise counsel from others. But now that I am further along, I have greatly decreased the amount of voices and outside counsel that I seek. I really vet the type of advice and encouragement and criticism that I allow to enter my space. And the only reason I was able to gain more confidence is, well, I would say three things.
Patricia Sung [00:02:38]:
One is I'm sadly in midlife I just have less cares to give about what a lot of people think. And I am now looking for other people's validation. I just don't have time for that. And so I think with time, wisdom increases. And that's obviously something you cannot do without time. But it's been a big help. The things that I can attribute to actual like action to is the second one is gaining experience. The more experience you have in your business and when you are actually in there doing the work, that's what gives you the data to know that this is a wise decision or it's not gonna come together even though you tried your best.
Patricia Sung [00:03:14]:
Like you only get that information through action. So the more experience you have, the more you can draw on your experience and your background, which I'm gonna draw on that in a second. And then the third part is working on my self trust. And I do a lot of work with neuroplasticity and rewiring the way that we think about ourselves and like trusting ourselves and knowing ourselves. So that when I go to make a decision, I now know what it feels like to listen to myself and what I need and what I want. It's what allows me to draw those boundaries of I don't really care what you think anymore. I'm gonna do what I know is best for me and my family in this situation or me and my business in this situation. And that neuroplasticity work that allows me to stop those ugly patterns of beating myself up and telling myself I'm not good enough.
Patricia Sung [00:04:03]:
And you know that imposter syndrome and all that yuck that sits in our brains and that negative internal narrator who's telling us that we're not doing enough or what, you know, whatever it is that your voice tells you that's poo pooing on the situation. Like being able to rewire that and not allow that internal narration to drag me down has been immeasurably valuable to like trusting myself and knowing who I am, but then in turn increasing my confidence because I know that I'm listening to what I need then drawing about on. Like the thing that I just mentioned is that the second thing that I have done to evolve as a business owner is to try to fail faster. As I said, like, you only get data by action. You can think about stuff and research a lot and ask for a lot of opinions, but you're not actually going to know the answer until you do it. So now my goal is to try to fail faster. Put it out there, see what Happens. What do people say? And if it's not working, okay, I'll adjust.
Patricia Sung [00:05:00]:
But there is no way to actually get the information until you do it. And a lot of times when you are somebody who has adhd, like, you spend a lot of time in your head thinking. And we can't gain wisdom by pondering in our heads. At some point, like, you've talked yourself into circles and you got to get out there and do it.
Patricia Sung [00:05:20]:
What can you do to treat your adhd?
Patricia Sung [00:05:23]:
Medicines are a great way to help.
Patricia Sung [00:05:25]:
So many people, but they don't work for everyone. And sometimes you're in a place or a season that they're just not going to work out right now, maybe they're not an option. I have put together a list of a ton of ideas, most of which I either have done or I'm currently doing myself to take care of my adhd. And this is like the full brainstorm list of what you can do to take care of yourself beyond medication. Head on over to patriciasung.com/beyondmeds and grab yourself that checklist. That's patriciasung.com/beyondmeds for a free checklist of all the ways that you can take care of yourself beyond medication.
Patricia Sung [00:06:14]:
And then the third thing that I have really embraced in the last couple years is starting simple and keeping things really simple. So my schedule, I try to keep simple. My commitments, I'm simplifying. Like, the less draws on my attention and my capacity and my energy, the better. And because I can always do more things because I are, you know, on the days where I'm in a good mood and I'm raring to go, let's tackle the world. I can always do more. But on the days where I can't, I. I can't.
Patricia Sung [00:06:42]:
So keeping like the bare minimum as low as possible really allows me to go all in on the things that are important to me and my values. So I have capacity for my family, I have capacity for my kids, I have capacity to take care of myself. And then keeping those draws on my energy levels lower allows me to have more space to be able to show up in the ways that I want for my family, but also allows me to do things like my business, which I don't have capacity for when I'm having a low day. And the other side of this, like, idea of simplicity is when I first started, I would have, like the most intricate plans. I would try to think of all the contingencies and there is a Balance of like, yes, you need a plan. You can't just go in willy nilly because you never know where you're gonna end up if you don't have a plan. But my plans were too detailed. They were.
Patricia Sung [00:07:30]:
I wanted them to be just right. I wanted them to be like the perfect plan. And I was spending so much effort making the most excellent plan that I wasn't actually using the effort to do the plan. So you just have to start. You just have to start, take the first step, see what happens and then adjust from there. Keeping it simple with avoiding as many shiny objects as I can. Like, I have adhd. I'm like, I got another good idea over here.
Patricia Sung [00:07:53]:
Look at that thing over here. What? We could do all this. No, we can't. And like getting real with myself and being like, I don't have the extra time, dollars, energy, like whatever that capacity is needed to chase all these things. So keeping myself as streamlined as possible allows me to put as much energy as I can into that what project is I'm working on. So keeping it simple. And again, like, as you build your business, you will learn the basics of what you do need so you'll understand better, like, what is the basic plan that I need. Like a lot of times like when you're a brand new business owner, you're like, oh my gosh, I have to have this really pretty website and I really care about my branding and my logo and the colors and all that.
Patricia Sung [00:08:30]:
And like really, that's not the most important thing. Yes, you can have really bad website or like ugly brand that like, or things that don't make sense and people that can't tell what your business is, yes, there's like some basic level you need there. But the, the amount of time and effort that I watch like new business owners now being like, what should I, my podcast cover art look like. And they're spending like hours on this logo and the color like that doesn't matter and you're wasting your time spending like 20 hours on that when really that's like a two hour project. And those lessons though, like, you learn with time, you learn with experience and you learn as you go. These are the things where that like really matter and these are the things that are like, well, this is just for fun and if I, if I have some extra luxurious time today to fiddle with colors, lovely. But if I only have an hour, what's really gonna move the needle in my business is this. And so knowing your self and your business well, to be able to say these are the bare minimums and just starting with that simple plan, that's where to start because I was the worst of creating the most perfect complicated plan and then of course things never went as I expected and that was a lot of wasted time planning on things that never came to fruition.
Patricia Sung [00:09:36]:
So to sum it all up, I've evolved most in increasing my confidence and that's by getting out there and doing the thing failing faster so that I can get the data and know what works as quickly as possible and then keeping things really simple so that I have the basic plan. But then from there I am changing and modifying as I go so that I am actually using my effort on the things that are really moving the needle in my business. So good luck my dear, go get them. Make that project happen and just start.
Patricia Sung [00:10:07]:
For more resources, classes and community head over to my Website motherhoodinadhd.com.