How Neuroplasticity in ADHD Coaching Can Feel Like Magic #282
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I need your help. Have you ever tried to explain something life-changing… and somehow it still feels impossible to put into words?
That’s where I found myself after several coaching sessions that completely transformed how my clients saw themselves, their work, and their lives. One client untangled burnout and learned how to rest without guilt. Another stopped spiraling around work procrastination. Another finally separated her own inner voice from years of criticism she’d been carrying around for decades.
And honestly? Sometimes even I step back and think, “How did we just do that in less than an hour?”
In this episode, I’m sharing the analogy I use to explain what ADHD coaching actually feels like. If you’ve ever felt emotionally overloaded, mentally tangled, or like you’re dragging invisible baggage everywhere you go, this conversation is for you. I talk about why ADHD brains need different strategies, how I help clients rearrange the “bags” they’re carrying, and why so much of this work is about letting go of weight you were never supposed to carry alone.
I’m not sure if the analogy fully encompasses how I want to describe neuroplasticity in ADHD coaching, but I would love to know if it makes more sense to you now that you’ve listened to this explanation.
This episode is part practical ADHD strategy, part emotional unpacking, and part permission slip to stop carrying everything the hardest way possible.
lINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fill in a virtual coffee chat request to ask more about neuroplasticity or ADHD Coaching with Patricia.
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“Honestly, this was one the best weekends I've had since becoming a mom. I've never felt so seen and understood. I would hop on a plane and go again. No hesitation! I'll follow y’all anywhere, moms.” –ADHD Mama J.Q.
I’ll take care of all the details - you simply show up and enjoy. I take care of you while you learn how to take even better care of yourself, in a way that’s sustainable for real momlife.
Because you can take care of your family well when you’re in a healthy place. It’s time to get your ticket: www.patriciasung.com/retreat
Patricia Sung [00:00:00]:
I've literally had clients be like, Patricia, this is witchcraft. This is magic. And I'm like, I don't dabble in that stuff. I'm a Christian girl.
Patricia Sung [00:00:10]:
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family? I get you, mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life. Creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully and in turn, lead our families. Well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms.
Patricia Sung [00:00:55]:
But spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, Mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung [00:01:16]:
Hey there, successful mama.
Patricia Sung [00:01:17]:
It's your friend, Patricia Sung.
Patricia Sung [00:01:19]:
It is time for our review of the week. Now, if you have not reviewed the podcast, please go in there and hopefully hit five stars and let me know what you think so that I can read your review on the next episode. Today's review is from Infiliarde.
Patricia Sung [00:01:31]:
I hope I said that right.
Patricia Sung [00:01:32]:
Five stars. Entitled Breath of Fresh Air. This podcast is a breath of fresh air. I totally resonate with everything she talks about and have gleaned. So much encouragement and tips for how to live my life as a mom with ADHD through her episodes, I realize I'm not alone and there are many practical things I can implement to help my brain and my family function more smoothly. I'm so thankful for Patricia and the resources she has created. Aw. Thank you.
Patricia Sung [00:01:57]:
Thank you so much for your encouragement
Patricia Sung [00:01:59]:
and I hope you will share the podcast with a friend who could use the encouragement as well. So I was on a high after three clients in a row that I was like, dang, I'm so good at what I do. We made so many changes and I had one client who was struggling in burnout and being okay with resting as she recovers from burnout. I had a client who was untangling her inner voice from an unkind parent's inner voice, telling her something different. I had a client who was procrastinating on projects at work and then getting really stressed to try to finish them. But like ahead of the deadline and it was just like multiple clients in a row. We were like just killing it, making changes, helping them be the kind of mom they want to be, helping them be the person they want to be and giving themselves forgiveness and rewriting the way that they do things and putting strategies in place that actually work. And I was lamenting to my business coach, who's Tracy Stanger.
Patricia Sung [00:03:01]:
You guys have heard her on the podcast before. She's an excellent coach for business owners who have adhd because she has ADHD herself and is just so good at prioritizing and cutting the things that don't matter. Her philosophy is less but better. The point was I was telling her about how I struggle to explain to people how neuroplasticity works and what I do in this balance of like, part of it is the strategy and using strategies that actually make sense for ADHD brains. So like for example, the client who leaves her projects to the last minute cuz then she can like hyper focus on them and get them all done really fast. The project she had was due next Friday and she wanted to be able to turn it in on Wednesday so that the people that she was sending the project to could give her some feedback before for the final thing on Friday. And we were joking about how, like with adhd, like if you tell yourself it's due on Wednesday, your brain knows it's not due on Wednesday. And your brain's like, huh, that's cute.
Patricia Sung [00:03:56]:
We all know it's due on Friday. Creating a fake deadline for yourself doesn't work when you have adhd. So when I give you strategies like I'm not gonna be like, hey, let's pretend it's due on Wednesday. Like, no, your brain knows it's not due until Friday, but instead we gotta find another way to create that sense of urgency that makes sense that your brain's like, oh, right. So like we actually went her schedule and figured out if she were to work on this project only when her kids are at school, how much time does she actually have? And in that case, like when she told me how much the project will probably take, which is hard for us with ADHD because we're not good time estimators. But there are some ways that we can guesstimate using our past experience and gut where like, we can get closer. So we may not actually be the most excellent of time estimators. But the goal here isn't actually to know Like, I have precisely 3.2 hours to do this.
Patricia Sung [00:04:43]:
The goal here is to get your brain to realize, like, whether or not you actually have all the time that you think you have have. And like, once we worked it through, she was able to get to the place of like, I think if I were to work all day straight, I'd probably need like two days to work on it. Which, let's say it's an eight hour day. That's like 16 hours. Well, we calculated how much time she had in the next few days before it was due, and she only had 14 hours. Which means we can create that sense of urgency. And that you're like, if I don't want to stay up till 2am after my kids are in bed, like, I want to be able to get this done during school hours. Like, I'm already in crunch time.
Patricia Sung [00:05:17]:
I already have 14 hours to do 16 hours of work. But in her mind, she's like, it's Thursday. I got a week and a half to do this. So it's about shifting our perspective about what is time, what do you actually have to get done when you want to get this finished. Like, we're able to rearrange the way we think about time to be more tangible to ADHD brains. And then we can have more of a sense of urgency when we're like, oh, crap, I have 14 hours to do 16 hours of work and I still have to wait for this other lady to give me feedback. Like, now it's like, ooh, okay. And then strategically, what needs to happen next? And that's really where a lot of times we get overwhelmed, is like, it's this big giant project.
Patricia Sung [00:05:59]:
You're not exactly sure, like how it comes together and all the pieces. And so everyone's like, well, I don't really want to do any of that. I'll do this really easy piece over here. And so just setting the list of like, okay, right now, what do you need to do? Keeping the priority list really simple. Like, here's the three must do tasks. You, you only have to work on these three things. You're going to do this one today, you know, this one tomorrow, and then the last one, you got to wait till so and so gives you the blahbity blah thing. So you can do that one whenever you get that back.
Patricia Sung [00:06:26]:
But knowing clearly, like, these are the only two things I really have to worry about right now. And it's not this giant, like vague cloud of project. It's I have two things to do. I got an hour and A half after I get off this coaching call to get the first one done and send it to so and so for feedback. And tomorrow I'm going to do number two because I need to work out the bugs on that tech program and then we're not caught up in the like, well, I'm not sure, like, what does this project actually entail? What, what are the different set? No, no, we got the main two things that need to get done. Now once those are done, then you can look at the whole big project and figure out, okay, what happens after that. But the thing is, now that you've gotten moving on the first two things, you're on a roll. And now your brain's like, oh, right, I know what to do next.
Patricia Sung [00:07:07]:
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And there's like certain tasks where like, for example, like I told her, write the email that's gonna go to these managers to ch. Because as you're writing the email and being like, here's the link to the blah, blah, blah, you're gonna know like, oh, these are the things I need to have ready. So like we're like working backwards to be like, okay, I need to send all these things to this management team on Wednesday. And now I can see, oh, well, you know what, I did three of these things but I forgot or like I hadn't thought of yet that I need to give them the blobbity blah. So there are different ways that you can come up with strategies to make sense for your brain. So some of what we do in coaching is that strategy based logic tools, system strategies and all that. The other half, or maybe even like 80% of it, is the way you think about things and the way you think about yourself.
Patricia Sung [00:07:51]:
So here I am lamenting to my business coach, Tracy, like, hey, I want to be able to clearly and concisely explain what I do in coaching. But sometimes when I explain it, it sounds like magic. It sounds like I made it up because it's so powerful and yet it's really simple but yet complex. It's like I literally go inside your brain and, and help you rearrange the pieces so that they come out different and you feel good about yourself when you leave. And I'm like, that is like the worst explanation ever. Like, I've literally had clients be like, Patricia, this is witchcraft. This is magic. And I'm like, I don't dabble in that stuff.
Patricia Sung [00:08:31]:
I'm a Christian girl, believe in Jesus, power of Jesus. But like, it doesn't feel real sometimes that I can spend 30 minutes with somebody and unearth and rewrite something that has been embedded in their lives for decades, and they leave being like, wow, that's no longer a problem. I no longer feel like this is an issue to have someone leave my coaching session and no longer have stitchwrite, or no longer feel like they're too much or no longer feel like they can't speak up at work or no longer feel like they don't know how to help their child at school and, like, advocate with the school system. To have them leave and feel like this is no longer an issue feels, like, too good to be true. So that's where I struggle sometimes to explain it, because I'm like, it really is that good, and it's real because we're using your brain. We literally are changing your brain so that this is no longer an issue. And so I've been thinking a lot about this, and I. I would love to know.
Patricia Sung [00:09:45]:
I want to share my analogy with you, and I want to know if it makes sense or if you're like, Patricia, I have more questions. Like, this is how I look at coaching. Is you, my client, show up to our meeting, and you are carrying all these bags. You just. You got baggage. Like, you're moving to another country level of baggage here. And I ask you, like, what do you want to change today? And sometimes you're just like this. And you just weave at the piles, and you're like, I don't know what to do with this.
Patricia Sung [00:10:14]:
And sometimes, like, we have to sort out, like, well, okay, well, what bag are we dealing with first? Sometimes you show up in a coaching session, and you're like, I'm so tired. I'm so burnt out. I don't know what to do. And you just need to hear, like, girl, you're carrying 73 bags. Of course you're tired. I'm tired. Just looking at your bags like, that is all a lot to carry. And you need that validation for someone to be like, I see all your bags.
Patricia Sung [00:10:37]:
I see everything you're carrying. Sometimes clients walk in, and they're like, I can't breathe. And they start telling me about it, and I'm like, oh, you have a duffel bag around your neck. Can I help you move it? And we find a better way to carry the duffel bag. And I show you how to put the suitcase with wheels on the bottom. And then we balance the smaller one on top, and we get the duffel across the body. We got the crossbody bag. And you're like, okay, like, you're still carrying a lot of bags, but now you're carrying them in a way that makes sense that you can actually do instead of just dragging everything or at cutting off your circulation or your airway.
Patricia Sung [00:11:14]:
Like I help you with the physical strategies of like how do you carry bags in a way that makes sense for you to actually get from point A to point B? It's time to be who you are unapologetically. No more contorting or shrinking yourself to fit inside the box. Instead, you're going to feel the freedom of just being yourself because you are more accepting of who you truly are. You're invited Mama to this year's Successful As a Mother Weekend Retreat. It is time to relax, unwind, rest and take care of a very important person in the family, which is you. This year's retreat is on October 16th through 18th and you are invited. This is an all inclusive retreat. It covers your meals, your hotel, all of your activities.
Patricia Sung [00:11:59]:
You literally only have to show up and I will take it from there.
Patricia Sung [00:12:04]:
We are staying at the peaceful Happy
Patricia Sung [00:12:06]:
Goat Retreat just outside of Houston, Texas. I have rented the entire property so we have it all to ourselves where we will enjoy nature and breathe deep in the fresh air and the calm of the lake and the sway of the trees. But this is not camping. This is glamping. You will stay in your very own adorable modern tiny home with your own comfy queen size bed, your own private bathroom and living space that's just for you. Go check out the pictures I posted on my website because it is so cute. We will spend the weekend learning about our ADHD and tune into who you are and what you need so that you can trust your gut and love
Patricia Sung [00:12:44]:
yourself a little bit more.
Patricia Sung [00:12:46]:
All while eating delicious food you didn't cook, you didn't clean up and hanging out with awesome other ADHD mamas who are just like you in this journey of understanding ADHD and also trying to do all the things. But not this weekend. This weekend you are doing none of the things you are relaxing. I will take care of everything and you get to focus on you. Head over to my website patriciasung.com/retreat and get your ticket. This is a small group of 14 mamas and we already have a bunch of mamas going so I don't have
Patricia Sung [00:13:16]:
a ton of spots left.
Patricia Sung [00:13:18]:
This means do not wait, do not procrastinate when you hear this. This is your sign. Go sign up, get your ticket and by signing up now you number one have access to the shrinking payment plan before it's gone. There's no extra charges for that. And number two, you get to pick the type of tiny home that you want to stay in before they are all gone. So go, sign up, get your ticket and take a weekend to relax and take care of yourself while I do all the work. Head over to patriciasung.com/retreat and get your ticket for the ADHD mom's amazing getaway weekend and relax. Patriciasung.com/retreat but secretly, my favorite thing is when you show up with all these bags and you're like, this bag is really heavy.
Patricia Sung [00:14:07]:
And because I can't actually go into your brain, you have to tell me about what's in the suitcase. So you're looking at the suitcase and you're telling me like, well, you know, I've got my shirts here and my pants are here. And then I have my great aunts embroidered tablecloth that was her wedding gift over here. And I have these candlesticks for my mother over here. And you're telling me all about what's in the bag. And I have this sixth sense, spidey sense, my superpower. And I'd be like, tell me what's going on in that back left corner there. In my mind, it's like that area of the suitcase glows like a yellowy glow.
Patricia Sung [00:14:47]:
Like, you know in video games when it's like, you should go over and do something in this corner. Like it's that little glow in the corner. And I'm like, what's that in the corner there? But since you are in it, you don't know. You don't see that it's glowing gold. I see that it's glowing. I'm like, tell me, tell me what's over in that corner over there. And you go, start looking around and you're like, oh, I got this, this gray thing in here. And I'm like, well, tell me about that gray thing.
Patricia Sung [00:15:11]:
It's metal and it has two circles on either end of like this bar. It's kind of cold. And because I have seen, because I have worked with so many women with adhd, I know what that thing is that you're describing. Even though you aren't sure you're describing it, but you're not sure what it is. And I'm like, I know because I've seen it. That's it. That's the thing we need to deal with. And I'm like, what if we took this thing out of the bag and sometimes clients are like, oh, no, that I.
Patricia Sung [00:15:42]:
I need that that that thing is been with me for decades. And I'm like, okay, tell me about it. Some people just be like, oh, sure, I'll take out the bag. Come to find out that this thing is a 50 pound weight that you have been carrying around in the suitcase and marveling at how heavy it is because it's a 50 pound weight. And I offer the option, what if we just. What if we took that out of the suitcase? What would that be like? And if you're not sure, we talk it through. Because I'm not going to make you take anything out of your suitcase that you don't want to. Really.
Patricia Sung [00:16:13]:
Okay, let me, let me take that one out. And I'm like, huh? All right, how's that feel? You're like, it feels pretty great. And you're able to leave that 50 pound weight out of the bag. You don't have to carry it around. But because I know you, I'm like, so you wouldn't happen to have any other of those here somewhere in a bag? And you're like, oh, yes, I happen to have a matching set of four of them. There's one over here, one over here in this duffel, and I got one over here in this bag too. And I'm like, oh, okay, what if we, what if we took them all out of the bag? You're like, I, I mean, I, I guess we could do that. I mean, we did just take the one out of the bag and it was okay, right? And you're like, yeah, yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:16:50]:
Okay, so let's, let's go ahead and take them all out. And we have just shed 200 pounds of weight that weren't serving you and that you didn't know you could just not carry anymore. But, like, I see what it is that needs to be changed. I see what it is that needs to be modified. I see what it is that needs to be removed. Like, I just know when you show up with all your bags and you start telling me about stuff, like, I know what you need when I ask enough questions and you are willing to open up the bag even if I can't see inside the bag, I don't what's going on in your head. But when you give me, like, just enough information, I know what's gotta come out of the bag. And the beautiful part, like the, the.
Patricia Sung [00:17:31]:
One of my favorite things about the way that I was trained as a coach is that I don't have to know all of your baggage to help you. If you won't tell me anything about the bag. I do not need to know that your grandma's embroidered doily tablecloth is in. I don't need to know that. I don't need to know about all the details. All you have to tell me is how you feel about the things in the bag. And I'm able to help you change that. And that's why I love this, like, method of coaching, because most of my clients have a lot of trauma.
Patricia Sung [00:17:58]:
You probably have trauma. I got some trauma. Like people with ADHD tend to have a lot of trauma. And I don't need to know all that in order to help you. I. What I need to know is which bag is the heaviest? What are we going to work on? How do you feel about this bag? Hey, can I take this item out? Can I rearrange the bags and get to the point where you're carrying less baggage or carrying it in a way that makes it doable? Because I can also see how they're connected. I see how like you have a security cable that is attaching the duffel around your neck to this trunk, like a Titanic era trunk dragging behind it with this security cable. And I can help you cut the security cable so you're not dragging a trunk with you.
Patricia Sung [00:18:39]:
But I see the connections, I see the patterns. My six sense tells me what you need when you start describing it to me in how you feel about it. Like, I don't need to know necessarily that your duffel bag is blue and has bedazzled handle. I don't need to know all that. I just need to know that it's heavy and it's cutting off your circulation on your shoulder to be like, okay, can we get you a shoulder pad? Can we take some stuff out of the bag? Can we put this bag on top of a dolly? Sometimes you're like, dude, dollies. What? No one told me there were dollies. I'd be like, dude, give me get you to dolly. Like, there are so many ways that we can change how to deal with this duffel.
Patricia Sung [00:19:15]:
I don't even have to know what's in the duffel, but I know the thing that has to be modified. Three of my top Cliftons strengths, if you've ever taken it, it's like analyzes your personality and the things that you're really good at, not the things that you're not as good at. And my top three right now, because they can also change, is one is a learner. I love learning and so I have a thirst for knowledge. I love learning just for learning sake and that means that I'm always out here trying to find more information. I'm interviewing more people. Like, I want to know what's going on. I want to know new things that I didn't know before.
Patricia Sung [00:19:46]:
So I know a lot about adhd. The second one is ideation. I have so many ideas, so many ideas. Like, sometimes I'm like, could I have less ideas? Because they can be really overwhelming. I always have more ideas, and that makes me a really great coach, because I'm going to give you some ideas for tools and strategies, and I'm going to give you the one that seems to fit. But if it doesn't work, because, like, you know your family best, you know you best, you're going to be able to tell me, like, hey, that worked. It didn't work. Like, it didn't work.
Patricia Sung [00:20:13]:
I got six more ideas for you. Any of those don't work? Got five more. Like, I have no shortage of ideas. And if I don't know the answer, my learner kicks in and I'm like, let me go figure out what another answer is. But I always have another idea. I can rearrange those suitcases six ways to Sunday because I got another idea. And my third strength that really makes me a great coach is that I'm an arranger. Arranger see patterns.
Patricia Sung [00:20:35]:
I'm excellent at Tetris. Dr. Mario, loading the car, let me tell you, when we were going to the retreat in October, I had all the stuff piled in our dining room of light that needed to go. And my husband looks at this pile and he's like, there's no way this is going to fit in our two cars. There's no way. And I'm like, it will absolutely fit. I will make it fit, y'. All.
Patricia Sung [00:20:52]:
I made it fit. And there was room to spare. Because I am an arranger. I see how the pieces fit together. I see the patterns. I know how things go together best. And I can spot the patterns, I can move them to be in the best location so that it's the most efficient. I just.
Patricia Sung [00:21:07]:
I see it. That's how I know that there's that thing in the back left corner that you haven't told me about is the thing that I actually need to ask you about. So when you need a coach who gets it, who has the experience and the gift of just knowing what it is that you need, that can see the patterns, that can arrange things in the way that make sense for ADHD brains, and always has another idea that I'm your girl, I will help you Take what's in your brain, change it so that you are letting go of the things you don't want to hold on to, being sturdy and confident and trusting yourself, and then the support and strategies and tools that you need to execute it. Like, that's how I bring it all together, because I want you to walk out of my virtual Zoom office being like, I can do this. I can carry the bags. I can get through my day without feeling like I'm drowning. I want you to leave, like, knowing, like, yeah, I. I'm carrying a lot of stuff, and I can do it.
Patricia Sung [00:22:05]:
I'm carrying a lot of stuff, and it's okay for me to let some of this go. I'm carrying a lot of stuff, and it's okay for me to ask for help. I'm carrying a lot of stuff, and I can. I want you to know when you walk out of our coaching session that you've got this. You can do it. So let me know. Does that explain how neuroplasticity works? Or if you're still like, Patricia, I'm lost. I'm gonna try again, because I'm an arranger and I'm an ideator, and I'm gonna figure it out, girl.
Patricia Sung [00:22:33]:
Okay. I'll talk to you soon, Successful Mama.
Patricia Sung [00:22:36]:
For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinadhd.com.