Tell Your Child They Have ADHD: Unpopular Opinions #285
Click the triangle to play this episode or scroll down to read:
Should you tell your kid they have ADHD?
My unpopular opinion: YES. This is a hill I will die upon.
We want to protect our kids. But when they’re struggling and don’t understand why, they start to believe they’re the problem. They already know something feels different. Giving them a name for it helps them understand what’s going on instead of blaming themselves.
In this episode, I’m practicing speaking boldly as a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. I’m sharing why I feel so strongly about telling kids about their diagnosis. We’ll talk about using words that fit your child’s age and maturity, explaining what helps their brain, and reminding them that there are lots of us out here who learn and do things differently.
I also read a short passage from my upcoming book, Motherhood and ADHD. We don’t need to pretend that feeling different is easy or cover it with toxic positivity. We can help our kids understand who they are and find support that fits.
Plus, I’m sharing my book preorder details, including a retreat giveaway if we reach 500 preorders by October 13, and a reminder that October 1st is the last day to register for the October 16–18 Successful As a Mother weekend retreat.
Come listen, mama. You don’t need perfect words to help your child feel understood.
lINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Laura Petix https://theotbutterfly.com/ Her book, The Sensory Code, comes out next week!
Super stressed and need a break?
Come along on our 5th annual ADHD Moms Weekend Retreat, October 16-18, 2026 in the Texas countryside, located at the Happy Goat Retreat!
“Honestly, this was one the best weekends I've had since becoming a mom. I've never felt so seen and understood. I would hop on a plane and go again. No hesitation! I'll follow y’all anywhere, moms.” –ADHD Mama J.Q.
I’ll take care of all the details - you simply show up and enjoy. I take care of you while you learn how to take even better care of yourself, in a way that’s sustainable for real momlife.
Because you can take care of your family well when you’re in a healthy place. It’s time to get your ticket: www.patriciasung.com/retreat
Patricia Sung [00:00:00]:
Before we jump into today's episode, reminder that today is the very last day to sign up for the retreat. So go get your ticket, pick your tiny home. We're gonna have a really great, wonderful weekend in just a couple of weeks. So go get your ticket, patriciasung.com/retreat, because today is the last day to sign up. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I getcha, Mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard.
Patricia Sung [00:00:39]:
Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest-worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life: creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, We can figure out how to live our lives successfully and in turn lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. But spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to the show.
Patricia Sung [00:01:22]:
It is time to preorder your copy of Motherhood in ADHD, the book. I am finished with the book. It is turned in. It is getting printed, and it comes out in February, but I have some great preorder bonuses because I want you to have some stuff in your hands now. So I am working behind the scenes, getting approvals and everything on how that's gonna go, but I want to give you a sneak peek. I'm impatient and I want to get this party started now. My goal is to get at least 500 books pre-ordered by October 13th, and I'm going to raffle off a spot for my retreat the following weekend for anyone who has pre-ordered the book. So to get entered into the raffle, you're going to go to my website, patriciasung.com/book, And on there is a Google Form.
Patricia Sung [00:02:18]:
You're gonna put your name, email address, and upload your receipt for pre-ordering the book. And if you wanna order 1 for you and 5 for your friends, you get 6 entries into the raffle. So what does this mean? That means that if we can get to 500 copies of the book pre-ordered by October 13th, on October 14th, I am gonna invite one of those people to come to the retreat That following weekend here in Houston, Texas. I am covering your retreat ticket, so that includes your lodging, it includes all your food, activities. All you have to do is get yourself here. You get to spend the entire weekend relaxing, hanging out with other moms who get you. You get to just like turn off your mom antennas and relax. Don't worry about all the stuff.
Patricia Sung [00:03:06]:
I cannot wait for one special mama to have that weekend. To relax. If you wanna read all the details about it, you can take a look at it on my website and drool over it and then figure out how many copies you're gonna buy to put your name in the raffle. Go preorder your book, go fill in the preorder form on my website, get entered into the raffle, and then I will report back here in a week or 2 on what the preorder bonuses are that everyone will get that preorders the book and send me their information. And I cannot wait. I'm so excited for you to have this book in your hands, but for now, Tell all your friends, order your copy, yell it from the rooftops. So I want to hit those 500 copies by October 13th, and I can't do it without you. Go preorder your book and head over to patriciasung.com/book and tell me that you preordered it.
Patricia Sung [00:03:56]:
Okay, go team! Hey there, Successful Mama. It's your friend Patricia Sung. I am trying something new for the next couple episodes here, and I'm hoping that it'll become a regular appearance, but I am sharing my bold and unfiltered unpopular opinions on certain topics. Which as a recovering people pleaser and a perfectionist and all, you know, just training myself to keep my opinions to myself for most of my life is quite the step outside my normal. But this is something that I'm really working on for myself this year is speaking truth and speaking boldly. And I feel like I did that really well with the book because there was nobody there to argue with me. And so I'm putting myself out there and speaking boldly and practicing that here with you. And so this should be interesting.
Patricia Sung [00:04:42]:
And keep in mind, you don't have to agree with everything I say. As I always tell my kids, if everybody in the world was the same, it'd be really boring. So it's okay if you don't agree with me, and I'm still gonna practice speaking boldly my opinions. So let's jump in and see how it goes. Unpopular opinion for the day: tell your kid they have ADHD. Do not pretend like they are fine when things are not fine. This is a hill I will die upon. Tell your kid what's going on.
Patricia Sung [00:05:14]:
Now, tell them in an age-appropriate way. Tell them in a way that, like, you know your kid, you know them best, so you know what they can and cannot handle. But also, usually our kids can handle more than we think they can because we're protective of them. But like, you know your kid. Figure out how you can explain this in an age-appropriate way, in a maturity way. Like, use words they understand, but don't pretend like everything is fine when it's not. I love this analogy from Laura Pettix, which if you don't follow her, she's the OT Butterfly. I'll link her in the show notes.
Patricia Sung [00:05:44]:
But she said if you have a bowl of yogurt and you have a bowl of sour cream, like, I want the label. I want to know if I'm eating yogurt or sour cream. I want to know if I'm going to drink a glass of water or a glass of vinegar. Everybody then knows what we're dealing with. You have to be sensitive of like, where is it safe to share that information with others? But I'm not talking about others today. Like, today I'm talking about your kid who who has ADHD or autism or whatever's going on with them, tell them! It's time to be who you are unapologetically. No more contorting or shrinking yourself to fit inside the box. Instead, you're gonna feel the freedom of just being yourself because you are more accepting of who you truly are.
Patricia Sung [00:06:27]:
You're invited, Mama, to this year's Successful as a Mother Weekend Retreat. It is time to relax, unwind, rest, and take care of a very important person in the family, which is you. This year's retreat is on October 16th through 18th, and you are invited. This is an all-inclusive retreat. It covers your meals, your hotel, all of your activities. You literally only have to show up, and I will take it from there. We are staying at the peaceful Happy Goat Retreat just outside of Houston, Texas. I have rented the entire property so we have it all to ourselves, where we will enjoy nature and Breathe deep in the fresh air and the calm of the lake and the sway of the trees.
Patricia Sung [00:07:09]:
But this is not camping, this is glamping. You will stay in your very own adorable modern tiny home with your own comfy queen-size bed, your own private bathroom and living space that's just for you. Go check out the pictures I posted on my website because it is so cute. We will spend the weekend learning about our ADHD and tune into who you are and what you need so that can trust your gut and love yourself a little bit more, all while eating delicious food you didn't cook, you didn't clean up, and hanging out with awesome other ADHD mamas who are just like you in this journey of understanding ADHD and also trying to do all the things. But not this weekend. This weekend you are doing none of the things. You are relaxing. I will take care of everything and you get to focus on you.
Patricia Sung [00:07:56]:
Head over to my website patriciasung.com This is a small group of 14 mamas, and we already have a bunch of mamas going, so I don't have a ton of spots left. This means do not wait, do not procrastinate. When you hear this, this is your sign. Go sign up, get your ticket, and by signing up now, you get to pick the type of tiny home that you want to stay in before they are all gone. So go sign up, get your ticket, and take a weekend. To relax and take care of yourself while I do all the work. Head over to patriciasung.com/retreat and get your ticket for the ADHD Mom's Amazing Getaway Weekend and relax. patriciasung.com/retreat.
Patricia Sung [00:08:39]:
Tell them what's going on. Again, using age-appropriate language, but tell them because what I see client after client after client, parents who knew but didn't tell their kid and then they get to be a grownup and then they find out that they were diagnosed when they were in 2nd grade and they're like, I have been struggling All this time and nobody told me why? And they're angry and I get it because that's frustrating. Also have client after client after client who went undiagnosed all these years and they get to the end and they're like, wait a second, you're telling me that the last 20, 30, 40, 50 years are like that because I had ADHD the whole time? The whole time it was ADHD? What? And what happens is when you don't understand why you do things differently, you think it's you. You think you're the problem. Because you don't have a name for the problem. So like, if you look around and you're like, why am I the only person who's dealing with this? Because we don't know what everyone else is dealing with. You're like, it's me, I'm the problem. I am broken, I am messed up, I can't do this, it's me.
Patricia Sung [00:09:42]:
So people take ownership of that when they don't know why. Because when you're weird, you know you're weird. So like, name the weirdness. Give your child the name for what is different about them so that they can work with it. Because it is so sad to watch grown-up after grown-up take a beating to their self-esteem and their confidence because they thought it was them. They thought they were the problem. So don't hide these things from your kids. Give them age-appropriate language so that they can thrive with what's going on.
Patricia Sung [00:10:19]:
And it might look like Hey, what the doctor said, you do better with written instructions because it's easier for your brain when you can listen to it and then see it on the page. There's lots of people who have brains like that. Like, let them know it's not just them. This is a different way people learn, and that's okay. But like, let them know that there is an outside reason for this thing. Don't hide it from them. Putting your head in the sand like an ostrich does not make it go away. It just makes your kid think there's something wrong with them.
Patricia Sung [00:10:50]:
Don't do that to them. Tell them what's going on. Let them know that there are literally millions of us out here, whether it's the autism, the ADHD, the dyslexia, whatever it is. Tell them that there are lots of us out here who are dealing with this thing and being successful with it, but don't hide it from them because they know, they know something's up. Give them a name for it so they don't blame themselves. That's my unpopular opinion of the day. All right, I'm gonna read you a portion from my book that's coming out in February. It's on page 265 if you wanna go read it later.
Patricia Sung [00:11:22]:
This is one of the reasons I advocate for telling your kid about their diagnosis. They already know they are weird. They feel othered. This turns into feeling broken, like something is inherently wrong with you. This especially flares when you don't know you have ADHD. You know you're weird, but you need to know why you're weird, so you know it's not a you problem. I often tell my kids that it's okay to be different, because if everybody was the same, the world would be a boring place. But that can be hard to swallow when you feel like an outsider.
Patricia Sung [00:11:52]:
Without a big asterisk, it feels like toxic positivity. We're not here for that. You don't need to change who you are. You are unusual. You are weird. So am I. ADHD affects a small fraction of the population. It's not common.
Patricia Sung [00:12:05]:
I'm weird and unusual too. Own it! You can't delete your ADHD, so you may as well make the most of it. Don't change who you are. Understand who you are, and then find support that fits what you need. Not just the skills, but the people too. I'll talk to you soon, successful mama. For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinadhd.com.